In Review: "Epic"

In Review: "Epic"

The reason I am so hard on children's movies is because they matter the most. Children learn the most from what they experience around them. The combination of sights and sounds is a goldmine of knowledge. Our children are our future. We need to teach them how to be good citizens and take care of our dying world. That is why it frustrates me when Hollywood puts out shitty movies for the younger generation. They think, “They don’t know the difference between a good and bad movie so let’s just b.s. this one, guys. It’s only a kid’s movie.” I assure you these children will get more from these movies then any adult will get from an adult film.
 “Epic” is one of those “we don’t care” kid’s movies. The film has no point, little imagination, and a poor script. And as an adult, I was bored to tears. Not from the cheesy one-liners or slapstick humor, but from the ridiculously slow pace. This movie moved slower than the slugs in the film. And not even it’s star-studded cast could save it from rotting. 

The Plot

MK (aka Mary Katherine)(Amanda Seyfried) has just lost her mother to an unknown disease and must move out to…somewhere to live with her father (Jason Sudeikis) who got divorced (?) from her mother for his obsession with an advanced civilization of little people living in the forest around his house. MK is trying to connect with her father with no progress. One day she chases her three-legged dog into the forest. And she gets shrunk down to the size of a flower. Real Alice in Wonderland/Fern Gully stuff. The world her dad had tried to find is real and she must save it. The queen flower fairy Tara (Beyonce) has just died. She left behind a flower pod that must bloom in the moonlight that night or the forest will be overtaken by the Bowgens (Head one- Christopher Waltz) creatures- evil, dark fairies that want to kill the forest. (Seriously, Fern Gully much?) Some Leaf Men/tiny soldiers (Colin Farrell, Josh Hutcherson) come along to protect the pod and tiny MK, along with a slug (Aziz Ansari) and a snail (Chris O’Dowd from “Bridesmaids”). They meet the all-knowing caterpillar played by Steven Tyler. And of course they have to run into a toad version of Pitbull. Because that is so necessary. 

The Cast

Blue Sky (the makers of “Ice Age”) really pulled out the checkbook for this one. The names in this movie are huge-this being the first animated role for Beyonce and Steven Tyler. And some of them were able to bring great life to their animated characters- Aziz and O’Dowd especially. I kept picturing O’Dowd in a cop costume. And Tyler got to sing! Totally fun! But Beyonce was left out-WTF! She died too early on in the movie and she was probably the best character other than the hilarious slug and snail.

The Message

Everyone is connected? The battle of life and death in nature? Just because you haven’t seen something doesn’t make it's not real? Yeah… I got nothing. They threw a lot of messages at you, but none that really stuck. Because they didn’t have a good script, it just sounded like a lot of cheesy lines. 

Overall

This movie was so disappointing. Animated movies allow you to create worlds that no one has ever seen before. And I get overused nature stories of little people. Been there, done that. And the pace was like molasses. If I was a 5 year-old and had a 5 year-old’s attention span, I would not have been able to get through this 1.75 hour movie. And as an adult, there was no heart or laughter for me to care to watch. Blue Sky still has nothing on Disney or its runner-up, DreamWorks. It should just stop. It went too far with 4 Ice Age movies. They died out faster than the dinos.Don’t see this movie. Don’t torture your children or yourself. Wait until “Monsters University” comes out in June.

(It's the thing Beyonce Fairy is holding)

1 out of 4 Flower Pods- It's all for the slug and snail!