In Review: 300: Rise of an Empire

In Review: 300: Rise of an Empire

Sometimes you have to be a good friend. Sometimes you just have nothing to do on a Saturday night, and anything sounds better than sitting at home watching more pointless YouTube videos. Sometimes we see bad movies without our consent.

Honestly, how can you get any better than Gerard Butler in a leather diaper bottom? You can't! So why in the world would you even try? As of what I have heard, this sequel/"meanwhile film" has been a flop. No one who loved the original is singing praises for this version. Probably because there are quite a few less shirtless men and rousing Spartan chants.

The Plot

While Gerard Butler is fighting off the crazy God King, Themistocles is trying to get an army together to fight off the evil and insane Persian general Artemisia. He ends up visiting Sparta to ask for help, but they don't want to fight for a free Greece. So they end up going to war with the Persians and of course, they win by the hair on their chinny-chin-chin. Gerard Butler and his army are killed by the God King sometime during this movie, but it is not at all a focus of this story.

The Stars

Eva Green, who plays Artemisia, plays a really great crazy woman. You totally believe that she is insane and out for blood and the souls of all mankind. Not a huge change from her role as love-obsessed Angelique in "Dark Shadows" with Johnny Depp. Her costumes are pretty fantastic though. I would have liked to see Queen Gordo, played by Lena Heady, give the Spartan army a rousing and inspirational battle speech to avenge her hunky husband. We all know Lena Heady can play powerful women (see "Game of Thrones").

The Message

I guess it's that the weak can conquer the strong? There's some references to the importance of freedom and duty and honor, but they are not driving the wimpy plot.

And to go with the cheapness of the sequel, the whole thing was done in 3D like they knew this sequel would not make enough money if it was only shot in regular D. I refused to see the film in 3D, but I had to sit through ridiculous cartoon blood spraying in my face and dust particles floating in the air of every scene that didn't have blood. No one can see those particles in real life! Why are they in this movie? And there was too much slow motion in this film. It didn't add to the drama but made the film even more cheesy.

Overall

This movie is about a sexually deprived woman who is using the passion of war to get excited. Yeah, that's really what it's about. There's no character development. There's no heart-wrenching goodbye scenes or inspiring battle speeches. But there is a crazy hate-sex scene between Themistocles and Artemisia, which I don't think I will ever be able to erase from my mind. Yuck.

.5 out of 4 Greek Soldiers (that could totally be a thing)