In Review: "Muppets Most Wanted"

In Review: "Muppets Most Wanted"

The hardest part of the Muppet revival is finding the right audience. My parents' generation grew up with these guys on TV every night. I grew up with second-rate TV shows like Baby Muppets and Muppets Tonight as well as amazing movies like Muppets Christmas Carol and Muppets Treasure Island. So for us, the Muppet revival is all about nostalgae. But what about the younger kids? They are used to optical spectaculars with maximum eye and ear candy. Instant satisfaction is what this generation has been criticized for, but it's true. The variety show is not a thing anymore. And that's exactly what the original Muppet show was. How can the Muppets compete with "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs"? AND come up with something those loyal fans haven't seen before?

Plot

Hold on to your hats folks. This one's a whirlwind.

Right after the Muppets finish the first movie, they want to have another one so they call in the help of Dominic Badguy, who is really working with the evil Constantine, the world's most dangerous frog and Kermit's look-a-like, and wants to steal the crown jewels but has to get a map to get a key and a locket to get the jewels... *breath*... sooooo Constantine switches places with Kermit who gets put in a Serbian jail with Tina Fey while Constantine takes the Muppets on a world tour and steals the items he needs to get the jewels from museums and banks throughout the world.... meanwhile, Sam Eagle teams up with Ty Burrell who are trying to find out who keeps stealing this stuff.

You got that? Yeah, me neither.

Stars

This movie is packed with famous stars: Tina Fey, Ty Burrell, Rickey Gervais, Tony Bennett, Celine Dion, Lady Gaga, Sean Combs, Tom Hiddleston, Ray Liotta, Salma Hayek, Jemaine Clement, Kenneth Collard, Rob Corddry, Mackenzie Crook, Zack Galifianakis, Toby Jones, Tom Hollander, Frank Langella, Ross Lynch, James McAvoy, Chloe Grace Moretz, Usher, Danny Trejo, Stanley Tucci...the list goes on and on.

There was nothing wrong with all of these stars popping up and the main ones do a good job, but where are all my Muppets? Isn't that what the movie is called?

Message

Everyone needs family even if they are a mixture of pigs, chickens, frogs, birds, penguins, rats, scientists, and Gonzos, your family is always there for you when you need their help. Even if they mistake a world criminal for you, they do love you.

Overall

Muppets, you still need to work on establishing your audience. It was kind of funny that you made fun of your last movie and its lack of devotion to the original characters, but it's only funny once. Your next movie, if there will be one, should go back to your roots. Too bad if the little kids don't like you. That's not where your strength is any way. Play to the generations who remember you and will always love you even if you put out crappy material.

Also, the songs are not as spectacular as before. The last film harked back to the classics like "Rainbow Connection", and this film referenced "Together Again" but the rest of the songs were easily forgettable and huge time-wasters that didn't move the plot forward or let me laugh at any characters.

My rating for this film is because I can't hate the Muppets. It's just not in me, but I can shake my finger at them for a poor effort. (The first one was better)

2 out of 4 Kermits

(That does happen in this movie)

In Review: 300: Rise of an Empire

In Review: 300: Rise of an Empire

Sometimes you have to be a good friend. Sometimes you just have nothing to do on a Saturday night, and anything sounds better than sitting at home watching more pointless YouTube videos. Sometimes we see bad movies without our consent.

Honestly, how can you get any better than Gerard Butler in a leather diaper bottom? You can't! So why in the world would you even try? As of what I have heard, this sequel/"meanwhile film" has been a flop. No one who loved the original is singing praises for this version. Probably because there are quite a few less shirtless men and rousing Spartan chants.

The Plot

While Gerard Butler is fighting off the crazy God King, Themistocles is trying to get an army together to fight off the evil and insane Persian general Artemisia. He ends up visiting Sparta to ask for help, but they don't want to fight for a free Greece. So they end up going to war with the Persians and of course, they win by the hair on their chinny-chin-chin. Gerard Butler and his army are killed by the God King sometime during this movie, but it is not at all a focus of this story.

The Stars

Eva Green, who plays Artemisia, plays a really great crazy woman. You totally believe that she is insane and out for blood and the souls of all mankind. Not a huge change from her role as love-obsessed Angelique in "Dark Shadows" with Johnny Depp. Her costumes are pretty fantastic though. I would have liked to see Queen Gordo, played by Lena Heady, give the Spartan army a rousing and inspirational battle speech to avenge her hunky husband. We all know Lena Heady can play powerful women (see "Game of Thrones").

The Message

I guess it's that the weak can conquer the strong? There's some references to the importance of freedom and duty and honor, but they are not driving the wimpy plot.

And to go with the cheapness of the sequel, the whole thing was done in 3D like they knew this sequel would not make enough money if it was only shot in regular D. I refused to see the film in 3D, but I had to sit through ridiculous cartoon blood spraying in my face and dust particles floating in the air of every scene that didn't have blood. No one can see those particles in real life! Why are they in this movie? And there was too much slow motion in this film. It didn't add to the drama but made the film even more cheesy.

Overall

This movie is about a sexually deprived woman who is using the passion of war to get excited. Yeah, that's really what it's about. There's no character development. There's no heart-wrenching goodbye scenes or inspiring battle speeches. But there is a crazy hate-sex scene between Themistocles and Artemisia, which I don't think I will ever be able to erase from my mind. Yuck.

.5 out of 4 Greek Soldiers (that could totally be a thing)

"Bedazzled" (1967) vs. "Bedazzled" (2000)

The Battle of Original vs. Remake

VS.

Since "Monty Python and the Holy Grail", Americans have realized that the British are pretty funny people. But their funny bone does not always tend to be where ours is. Fart jokes are not as common in British film. Is this because they are "classier" than us? Probably, but that's not the point. They think some things are funny while we prefer something else.

I recently discovered that one of the cheesiest and cheekiest movies I have ever seen "Bedazzled" is in fact a remake of a 1967 British version. Way to go America. Stealing more stuff from the British.

Here, I take a look at the differences and similarities: WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!

"Bedazzled" (1967)

Plot

Stanley works as a burger flipper in a small restaurant. The love of his life, Margaret, works there with him as a waitress. Stanley is lonely without any friends and unrequited love so he attempts to end his life in his rundown flat (apartment). His attempt fails and in walks George aka the Devil. George offers Stanley a way out of his miserable life without ending it. Stanley will get 7 wishes in exchange for his soul. As we can guess, none of Stanley's wishes end up as he would like. George has been planning to get back into heaven be collecting more souls than God. In the end, George loses because he gives Stanley his soul back after his last wish really backfires. This good deed leaves George without enough soul, and kicked out of heaven again.

"Bedazzled" (2000)

Plot

Eliot works as a technical support guy whose coworkers can't stand him and who has a huge crush on Allison, someone else he works with. After a failed attempt at wooing Allison, the Devil appears as a sexy woman in red leather. She offers Elliot a way to have Allison love him back and the life that he always wanted in exchange for his soul. Elliot has 7 wishes from the Devil. After 6 failed attempts, Elliot uses his last wish to wish for Allison to have a happy life. This unselfish act frees him from the contract with the devil. Elliot doesn't get the girl, but he gains more respect from his coworkers and a happy conscience.

Differences:

1967

• We meet some of the 7 Deadly Sins who work for George and influence Stanley's wishes- Lust (a sexy Southern woman- I guess Southern is sexy in Britain?), Anger (the bouncer of George's club), Sloth (who is married to Lust and is George's lawyer), Vanity (who always has a mirror in front of his face), Envy (who, you guessed it, is always jealous of everyone), Gluttony (George takes his plump female companion to the carnival with Stanley), Avarice (we don't see him much)
• There is a real friendship created between George and Stanley. You could almost believe that if everything had worked out ok, they would still be friends.
• Wishes:

• 1. A Popsicle
• 2. To be an intellectual-- Margaret ends up claiming that Stanley raped her.
• 3. Millionaire-- George sleeps with Margaret, or at least it looks like George...
• 4. Pop Star-- George-look-alike steals the spotlight and Margaret's heart
• 5. A fly on the wall-- Stanley and George are sprayed with bug spray
• 6. to live a quiet life--- George-look-alike is Margaret's husband and Stanley is his best friend. Margaret and Stanley are having an affair but feel too guilty so they end it
• 7. to be pious in isolation with Margaret forever--- Stanley is turned into a nun
• It's 1967 so there's no pager, but Stanley does have to blow a raspberry when he wants to get out of a wish, which causes for some pretty funny scenes
• Margaret and the police believe Stanley to be dead this whole time so they are constantly looking for him. The officer also tries to assault Margaret.
• Margaret and Stanley end up together!
• George has red socks instead of full-out red outfits.
• Routine Mischief Scene- George uses a conveyor belt system to send out some sin into the world like scratched vinyls, cuts the top button off shirts, rips the last page out of books, and smashes fruit in crates.
• No special effects- the focus is all on character and dialogue
• Message: Don't trust the Devil.

2000

• The Devil is all about SEX. Whenever she is causing trouble in the world, she is in something short, something leather, something black, and/or something red. Her costuming clearly tells us she is bad news.
• No 7 Deadly Sins. The Devil takes care of Lady Lust.
• The Devil and Stanley are friends, but by the end, it is more of business relationship. This may be because we are confused if she likes him or not.
• Wishes:

• 1. A Big Mac and Coke
• 2. Rich and married to Allison-- ends up being a drug lord and Allison is cheating on him
• 3. to be sensitive--- Allison leaves him for some tough guys because he is just too sensitive
• 4. Basketball player-- Allison totally wants him, but his package is seriously diminished and both leave shocked
• 5. An intellectual--- turns out he is gay!
• 6. President of the United States--- President Lincoln on the night of his assassination
• 7. For Allison to have a happy life
• Pager- Dial 666
• When a wish is made, the whole world believes that it is real. Allison, the Devil, and all of Elliot's coworkers are transformed to this new world
• Elliot and Allison don't end up together, but Elliot's new neighbor an Allison-look-alike does show up at the end
• Elliot meets God while he is locked in jail by the Devil. He never says he is God, but we see him at the end of the film playing chess with the Devil. God gives Elliot some sound advice before he makes the selfless wish
• The club the Devil owns is portrayed as hell- fun and exciting at first and then a prison
• Everything is over the top and packed with special effects and Hollywood glamour.
• Message: The Devil isn't all bad. She's just part of a system. And it's all about the humans any way. Don't worry about heaven and hell. Just live your life!

Similarities:

• The Devil is in both version and wears red throughout the film.
• Elliot and Stanley are both pathetic losers who want a girl who doesn't want them back.
• In the end, some form of love saves Stanley/Elliot.
• Stanley/Elliot gets a happy ending with a girl
• Funny moments come from Stanley/Elliot's stupidity and the unfortunate failures of their wishes.

Overall, which one is better?

The 2000 version

I blame the fact that I'm a born-and-raised American. I just need the sparkles and the explosions to keep me interested. I also like that God showed up, and he wasn't just this imaginary figure that we couldn't see or understand. In this version, God becomes a player in the story- a helping hand when the Devil just always seems to be getting us down. And I'd rather have that kind of God than someone who kicks one of his own out of heaven. (I know that that is biblically correct, but I don't like it. Can someone rewrite it please?)